iFITNESS Magazine

       As some already know I did a photo shoot in January I think with Franz De Paris Group (FDP) and also Hagen Troy...For some reason the name of the magazine slipped my mind, yes i'm deaf ;) 

       Anyway today finally got a message from Angeline Tan who is the stylist and creative director of FDP that the issue had finally been released so I immediately went to every bookstore I could find to search for it. Finally I found it at Bugis Junction and bought 2 copies cause I was so excited.

       The shoot as mentioned before in a previous post was so much fun. Got to meet Hagen Troy which was really great cause he was so nice and to me hes really talented; and Angeline was just the sweetest person ever and they really make you feel welcomed.

       The magazine is iFitness and I just read it and it's really great. Everything from lifestyle to fitness to health and grooming, great interviews. And it's only $5 and you can buy at Popular, Times, Kinokuniya Bugis, CityHall MPH, or any newstand.

And here are the pics ^^

Hagen Troy Cover

Hagen Troy ambassador for FDP Group

My spread in iFitness...most people dont know its me...*sigh

Thanks Hagen and Franz De Paris...was a great time!

You do...for love

“Here's my philosophy on dating. It's important to have somebody that can make you laugh, somebody you can trust, and somebody that, y'know, turns you on... And it's really, really important that these three people don't know each other.”

       By the way that phrase was taken from One Tree Hill, this awesome show I used to watch and of course this cheerleader who loved to hook up said it. I just thought it was funny so trust me when I say that is NOT my philosophy on dating...keep on reading and you find out about my philosophy ;)

       Finally we reach the topic of love. Well this will be fun. Over the years I have seen relationships come and go. Sometimes relationships are pretty, some can be ugly. Depends on the couple I guess. Many people have come up to me to try and hook them up with friends, and sometimes it actually worked out.

       Don’t just date because you are the only single person in your group of friends. That’s being desperate and afraid of what others might say. An ex friend of mine dated my friend because out of all of us he was the only one who had never kissed a girl. He was so desperate than he turned dating into a competition with all of us. I was dating my ex at the time, and everything I did with her he tried to do it better. Don’t let be people like that be around you because love is something magical, its not a competition.

       I try to help relationships even though mine of 1 year and 4 months didn't work out quite well because of distance issues. But being there for a friend when he or she is dating is essential. They will eventually go through tough times and they will need someone to talk to. The fun stages of dating is when you or your friend is starting to like a person and you just go on and on about what you like about him or her. And finally when you and your special someone are together you text and call all the time, you go out. And the best part is not showing of yourselves to everyone, that's not important. What's important is that you realize how special that person can make you feel when nobody else can. How much love you can give to someone knowing that they will return that same love to you and more. To wake up each day and see that person and realize that you are going to be together and have a happy life. 

       You will soon find that special someone. It could be today, tomorrow, next month, maybe even a couple years from now. Don't search for love because then you will try and try with different people and maybe get your heart broken too many times. Meet someone and find out what is it that makes them smile, that makes them laugh, and that makes them cry. That is dating. Its important that you find someone who makes you laugh and makes you smile but most of all makes you feel alive and loved.

       Be the person they hope to love. Love isn't a game. It’s a serious issue. Breaking a person’s heart is tragic. I see each day people playing around and hooking up and maybe to one of them its just all fun and hormones but for the other it turns out to be more than that. That's when people get hurt. Treat others with respect, and don't hook up with people you know others care about just out of spite and vengeance cause it shows everyone who you truly are.

       So be that special someone. There is a person looking for you this very moment. So find them because they need you as much as you. Be brave, be bold, be spontaneous, be kind, be funny, be loving, be a friend, be special, be emotional, be yourself, and find love.

Euro Trip 2013

       So i'm finally back from Europe, been a day already and trying to get used to the heat here in Singapore. Work in progress ;)

       Things are okay here for me, hard to get back to the old routine but will be back to normal soon. Last night went out with friends for dinner which was really great I gotta admit...and I got to see my Kiddo finally after 2 long weeks away. Stopped by Kiddos place earlier before dinner to give my presents I got from Spain and felt good to see that smile on his face and his moms. 

       Well...Europe was better this time than all the other times because my spanish was well, excellent! I was quite surprised as well since I haven't used it in years technically. First stop was Lisbon and it was freezing there but was the best time with my family. And got to roam around downtown and see all the sites I haven't seen yet like the Cristo Rei and the Santa Justa Elevator which actually was pretty scary since I don't do well with high open places :) 

       When it was time to go to Spain we ended up going by bus...a very long 12 hour bus ride. It was hell. There was this middle aged lady from Portugal up front who would not shut up at all! Even the Spanish girls in the bus kept yelling at her to be quiet...but finally reached La Coruna with my uncle and cousin Lore waiting for me and Spain was amazing. It wasn't that cold so was easy to go out each day no problem.

       The first Friday night in Spain was quite wild. I have 3 cousins there all siblings, Janis, Lorena and Jairo, so that night we went out clubbing just me, my sister, Janis and her husband, and Lore and her boyfriend Marcos. Omg it was intense. First thing about Spaniards is that our alcohol is stronger than other countries and second is that they can really hold it in for a while. In Singapore it's not as strong so I can drink quite a bit and still be alright. There it's a totally different story. So we ended up going to this one bar and had tons of shots or as they say Chupitos. 

       So how you do is you pour in the drink the bartender gives up and then a bit of 7Up and with a tiny piece of tin foil they give you, you place on top and hold it down and knock it up and down against the table to mix it. Then you drink! And we drank a lot but ended up fine. Later we went to Club Moom which is quite the famous spot in Summer for all the Spanish celebs, and we danced and drank also. I had 2 vodka lime which is like 10x the size of one in singapore...Turns out was too much for me and 3am I was passed out in my cousins car till I reached home at 6:30 haha. Thank God for Lore and Marcos who looked after me.

       Also got to hang out with my second cousin Maria and shes so much fun to be with and we went all over the city to the best places to chill and drink. Surprisingly I found out her ex used to be the Portuguese soccer player Nelson Oliveira and now her boyfriend is Diogo Salomao of Deportivo La Coruna...also got to meet Pizzi's dad!! Who was super super nice to us.

       Overall was a great time and can't wait to go back. And now some pics from the trip ;) 

My aunt and I at Cristo Rei

                                      

Lisbon

Lisbon

Santa Justa Elevator

In the caves

During Chinese New Year

La Coruna, Galicia

Club Moom with Lorena

Chupitos

Vodka Lime at Club Moom and Club Soho Bar

Me and Maria at Bitacora

Finally back to you...missed you

Oh yea forgot to mention I got inked on my hip...no real pain at all, just a prick actually but 10 great minutes ^^

Lisbon 2013

        Finally got time to write a bit while I'm here. 

       So I'm at my aunt's house here in Lisbon. I arrived Thursday afternoon after a super long flight. Arrive in Doha, Qatar and while we were on the plane there was a technical problem so after an hr sitting down we all had to go back to the terminal and wait 6 hours before we could fly. It was the longest wait ever. Finally arrived in London and I swear we ran so fast to catch our flight. Super lucky ^^

       Here it is super cold, there are no words to describe it. During the day it's ok all you need really is a jacket and a sweater cause the sun gets quite hot but still there is wind. Yesterday we got to go walk around a bit and see one part of the city and had to buy my bus ticket to Spain, so next Wednesday gonna take a 12 hour bus ride to see my grandma in Spain. What fun... -_-

       Later today going to this street market close to my aunts house that sells all sorts of stuff such as clothes, bags, shoes, food...so I get to buy all the snacks I used to love when I was little :) So right now I'm a happy boy. Missing home so much and of course my Kiddo, but I know I'll be home soon. 

       Well I'll keep you all updated with my instagram pics and on facebook! 

Have a Happy Chinese New Year!

恭喜发财!

Some pics of the trip so far:

 Qatar Airlines in Doha

 Waiting for my delayed flight in Doha...

 Dinner at home at last ^^

 Day 1 in Lisbon

 Me and my grandma <3

 Food from Portugal: Fish, Bacalhau, Pastel de Nata

 Driving around town :P

Hola Europa ;)

       Well i'm all packed and ready to go to Europe!

       Usually my family sends me there for a month each year to visit my relatives since it's hard to see them due to the fact that I move a lot thanks to my parents job. Sometimes they get to visit me wherever we are but it's not the same. I like to go to there cause I can see my grandparents and my cousins, aunt, and uncle. Also my extended family which amazingly i'm also quite close to.

       This time I'm going sorta to say bye I guess. My grandma on my dads side is old and we are not sure when we will see her again so this will be a good time to spend with her. And gonna be fun cause might get a little permanent present on myself there with my cousin Lorena ;)

       Anywho...I'm leaving tomorrow for my 2 weeks there. Stopping by in Doha, Qatar, then London for transit. Stay in Lisbon, Portugal for a week with my family there and then a 12hr bus ride to La Coruna, Spain for another week. Later taking a 3hr train ride to Vigo with my sister and meeting my mom for a night there since she is going for work so i'm only seeing her on the flight there and the flight back. Then we stop in Madrid for transit and make our way back home to Singapore.

       I really didn't want to go cause it was a surprise trip and I hate not knowing these things. It's gonna be fun but I really just want to be here this month with my Kiddo. 

       Gonna miss you okay, no matter where you are I'll miss you and love you. 

       And i'll be back soon I promise.

See you all when I return ;) Happy Holidays and Happy Valentines Day <3

Are You Really on the Inside? Or Just Playing it From the Outside?

     

       Welcome to the New Year everyone, where Singaporeans who flew north for the cold and south for the sun now return to the famous city of the good and high life. Many returning to school; and many enjoying the sun a little longer than they should. Parties have started and may I say so has the drama which isn't such a secret as most think since it’s made public every single weekend and day. The year's scarcely turned and already the secrets have begun. Where will it end this time? The new year isn't about what happened, it's about what's to come. But less on that… Movies always portray the glamorous life and goods we can only dream of. For some people it is reality to be born with a silver spoon while for others it is simply just a fairy tale. But spoiled brats don’t just happen, sometimes there made.

       Everyone dreams of being successful or well known in life, but most of all above everything else happy. Well you would think they would want to be happy. Nowadays it puzzles me. Nobody is happy; they just want that amazing life where they get what they want; where just a flash of their credit card or saying someone’s name will open any door in your life. Admit it. All people want now is to be on the inside. I used to want that yeah, who doesn't  I enjoyed the good life for as long as I could but realized I could find my own happiness without having to force it to happen in my life.

       Having people know my name and get things for free felt like everything, but it only made me realize that I was some narcissistic materialistic and shallow person. I’m me. I’m not changing who I am for anything. And if I do it’s for the best not the fake and the worst. I left that lifestyle and found my happiness and I couldn't be happier. Social media seems to be everything now and people use it to confess to their loves or crushes, or spill their ‘friends’ secrets, or get revenge.  And these days there is a lot of this revenge and drama stirring around. 

       Seriously? This is the 21st century people, it’s 2013. You are no longer little kids who are going around trying to get back at crushes who forget you or friends who leave you or trick you. Act like an adult because when you grow up and are working and trying to support yourself in life all these games and drama will not get you anywhere. Only bring you down and leave you in an alley all alone with no friends.  Clubbing is fun yes I can totally admit to that but if you say to everyone that it’s something you don’t want to do anymore and you want to focus on your studies then do it! Live your life to the fullest; go out with friends; be honest. Don’t just be all talk and no action and say you want to change when actually you are just going to run back to your old life of play pretend. Everyone talks about changing their lives for the best but it didn't take much time for some to dirty up their clean slates.

       When you are on the inside nobody cares about you. They care about your social status and your money and your connections. When you are on the outside you have a chance to make genuine friends and live a drama free live and just learn to appreciate the little things and moments that appear. And you have a chance to let love appear in your life. You can’t force love to happen. And dating someone for a couple of hours or days doesn't mean you were in a relationship nor had love. You had a fling that’s all. It cannot be something you plan. It comes to you like an answered prayer. I wasn't looking for it and it just found me. I’m happy with my life now. Drama free, I have my very small group of friends but at least they are real with no masks on. And I have the love of my life to guide me and support me and love me each day.  

       Just be careful walking down the primrose path. You may find hell instead of happily ever after. One thing about being on the top of the world, it gives you a long, long way to fall. 

                 So be happy with your life and do what is right.
                                 Find yourself a great place…

                                          On the outside ;)

Nineteen Minutes

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness,
and the feeling of being unloved.”

       When you don’t fit in, you become super human. You can hear a whisper about you from a mile away. You can disappear, even when it looks like you’re still standing right there. You can scream and nobody hears a sound. You are the thing that used to be normal, but that was so long ago, you can’t even remember what it was like. You can feel people staring; it’s like heat that rises from the pavement during summer, like a poker in the small of your back. You don’t have to hear a whisper, either, to know that it’s all about you.

       I used to stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom to see what they were staring at. I wanted to know what made their heads turn, what it was about me that was so incredibly different. At first I couldn't tell. I mean, I was just me. Then one day, when I looked in the mirror, I understood. I looked into my own eyes and I hated myself maybe as much as all of them did. That was the day I started to believe they might be right. 

       Ask a random kid today if he or she wants to be popular and they’ll tell you no, even if the truth is they do. See, you can’t admit to wanting it because the truth makes you less cool. To be truly popular, it has to look like it’s something you are, when in reality, it’s what you make yourself. I wonder if anyone works any harder at anything than kids do at being popular. So how do you crack that inner sanctum? Well, here’s a catch: it’s not up to you. What’s important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat, what music you listen to.

       I've always sort of wondered, though. If everyone else’s opinion is what matters, than do you really have one of your own? It would be one thing to be a loser if it meant no one paid attention to you, but in school, it means you’re actively sought out. There’s a word you lean in Social Studies: schadenfreude  It’s when you enjoy watching someone else suffer. The real question though, is why? I think part of it is just self-preservation. And part of it is because a group always feels more like a group when it’s banded together against an enemy. It doesn't matter if that enemy has never done anything to hurt you-you just have to pretend you hate someone even more than you hate yourself. You become lonely.

       Being alone is the worst place to be. Loneliness can overcome you at any time. One day your positive and everything in life seems to be perfectly fine. Then all of a sudden, that wave crashes over you and you are lost.



       Everyone enters this state of depression at least once in your life. I mean, you can’t be happy 24/7. Can you? For me it was for about 4 years. Depression is the worst thing ever. You don’t do anything. You become lifeless, but it's true loneliness that makes you feel sad. You feel like nobody likes you, like nobody loves you anymore. And all you want to do is cry.


       Well it’s not true. People love you out there. People truly care about you, but they just haven’t shown it yet. That is their biggest mistake in life. We are afraid to tell people how we really feel. We are afraid to care for others because we think that we will let them down. That whatever we say to them will be spread out to everyone like a virus and they will judge us for our secrets. What’s the problem with telling a friend that you are here for them? That if they have a problem or just need to talk that you are here to talk, to be supportive? Why is that so hard? All we need is one friend. That’s it. All we need to do is be there and not distant from them. 

       Don’t judge yourself or anyone else. Nobody knows what you are going through except you. All we can hope for is that someone can at least relate to the problem you are going through and give you advice. To hug you and tell you everything will be all right; to grab a coffee with you and just hang out; to talk to you when you don’t feel like talking.

       All you need is that one person to be able to talk to. The person that would always ask you how you are feeling, how was your day or week. The person that you know you can call at any time of the day or the night and say what you need to say without them judging you. I used to have that friend. She’s gone now. But even with her gone I still can talk to her just because we live far away from each other. And I know I have people around me that care and love me. I know I can call them whenever and they will be by my side at any second.

       If you are going through a hard time in life, pick up the phone right now and call your friend. Call that person who you know you can say anything to and who won’t judge you or talk bad about you and tell them what’s happening to you. Don’t waste this opportunity to build a closer relationship with your friend. Let them help you. Don’t waste it, embrace it.

      Just breathe, be brave, and call…what is the worst that can happen? Remember, a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out on you. Who will be there for you when he’d rather be somewhere else.

My question is: Do we ever really know someone?

 And who, if anyone, has the right to judge someone else?

Love & Photos

 Hey Hey Hey!
       So wanted to share a bit about how my Monday turned out...usually people always complain about Monday. I don't really cause my PMS (Prepare to meet Satan) day is always on a Sunday. Anywhoooo I already woke up super happy and excited. 2 things happened.

       First of all it was the 21st, that means 8 months with my baby already. And i'm so happy we made it this far. It has been a rocky journey with many ups and downs, but in the end it is just us and nobody else. It's our relationship and no matter what others say about either one of us we know we can talk it out and find our way back to each other. The only thing we have is love and eternal love. It's hard being apart during the week but we never fail to find time in our day to text each other or call once or twice. Cause if you really love someone you will put in the effort to make your relationship work out. 

       These past 8 months have taught me so much and i'm so grateful each day to have someone in my life who loves me more than anyone can ever love another person. And I can never find the right words to say thank you, all I can say is that I Love You.
          
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       The second thing that happened was Sunday night I got a text and found out it was from Hagen Troy who many know is a Singaporean singer raised in the UK. He also works with Franz De Paris located at Kembangan Plaza; which is a company/group that works with hair styling, make up, fashion, photography. Hagen had also told me that they also do coaching and go to different schools to give advice to students about life which is pretty cool. Anyway he was doing an article for a men's lifestyle fitness magazine that I think belongs to Toni&Guy and FDP also. Wasn't so sure which magazine it was.
       
       So my part technically was to shoot for a section on hair care and how to style your hair with their products in about 5 minutes. Literally had to just show the process you know and show the different angles and how to style from the front, side, and back of the head. When I got there to FDP I was of course greeted by Hagen so I was already nervous cause well, hes a celebrity. And I enjoy his music a lot. 

       After I took a seat inside I was greeted also by the creative stylist Angeline Tan. It was really great getting to talk to them and all and they really made me feel welcome and we had tons of fun in the styling room and also during the shoot with the photographers and we laughed a lot. Of course there were two other models doing shoot for the same reason but different topics such as skin care and also hair care, but they never really talked much...oh well.

       This was by far the biggest 'shoot' I can say I have done. Other times it was just for friends portfolios or for fun but this is going to be in a magazine and get to see it when it comes out end of February beginning of March. So i'm really excited. Was by far the best opportunity ever to work with such an amazing company and amazing people. Thank you again FDP, Hagen Troy, and Angeline!

Here are some pics from yesterday:

(Me waiting in the styling room)

(The photographers that day, tons of fun to work with.)

(Creative manager Angeline Tan)

Its Always A Good Time

       This week was pretty harsh...in many ways actually but not gonna bring it up. Today gonna write about Wynn's 21st birthday that was last night...I literally just got home after a major long night.

       So I was home rushing already to get dressed and go meet my bff Kelvin cause we were gonna go together. I took a cab and reached Costa Sands Chalet but we ended up at the wrong one since apparently there are 2 with the same name...nice job...We ended up going around twice to the same chalet and only then realized it was the wrong one. After a very long time we finally made it.

       Overall it was a pretty wild night. I met so many family members who in my opinion are the funniest people ever and so nice its amazing! People were laughing, and drinking, and just having such a fun night. 

       And of course came the cake, which was when I had to take pics of literally everyone, and I mean, EVERYONE. I swear there was so many people I stood for God knows how long, but was so fun. And the cake was so good! At the end I ended up in the bedroom resting cause I was tired and only some people were left. Then I remember like 6 people were in bed later on sleeping with me so I think ended up sleeping only 4 hours? Oh well, wide awake now.

       After getting everything ready we went over to EHub for lunch at McDonalds and it was me, Wynn, his friend Nelson, his mom and his brother Vynn. Then I went to see the slot machines and play a bit with his mom and brother which was pretty fun, everyone lost but was a good time. And now I am finally home and gonna rest for the day. But before that...enjoy the pics ;)

Some of the first people to arrive :)
(Varian, John, David, Me, Kelvin, Cedric and SohWynn)

Us...we know who we are ;)

Me and Wynns mom ^^

Wynn, Kelvin and I

Cake Cake Cake!!

Happy Birthday!

Make a wish

Happy 21st Birthday SohWynn!!

Who’s Next To You?

“Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?”

       We all have dreams. When we are little we dream of becoming a fire-fighter, a police man, a doctor, dentist, singer, prince or princess, baker, someone famous. We all have dreams. And it’s all about us. But when those dreams come true, who is the person standing next to you?

       I have so many friends some good some amazing. Each day that list gets shorter though. And whenever that list gets shorter, there are a couple names that stay there. They are glued on that list forever. 

*Mariana Guedes. She was and remains to this day, as my best friend in the entire world. So many times she has been there for me. I could call her up at any time of the day to talk literally for hours. We laugh together, smile together, and cry together. We are meant for each other. Even now from far away I can still talk to her about anything no matter what time it is there or here. She is one of the most important people in my life. I will never ever forget her. 

*Kelvin Pooh: Kelvin is by far one of my closest friends ever. Met him at Holland Village for dinner with a whole group of friends. Of course I thought he was from SG but apparently he's Indonesian; I only realized that about a month later...Anyway, he has always been there for me throughout everything. We worked together for couple months which was totally awesome having him there; we go out all the time; we take thousands of pics together. Being around him is just the best time. You forget about all you problems and just start to smile and laugh and enjoy your day. Always gonna be my bff ;)

*Noel: Noel and I met quite randomly...we had only talked on twitter back and forth a couple times cause we had mutual friends and we had said hi to each other couple times at meet ups and birthdays. So I jokingly once said I'd bring him cupcakes from 12Cupcakes (amazing btw) to cheer him up at work since he was stressed. So of course I did. First thing that comes out of his mouth when he sees me honest to God was: "Hey Bitch!!" right in front of H&M so all could hear. But the past couple of months having him as a good friend has been great. He's really opened my eyes to realize you don't need to have a large group of friends to be happy. Even having one or two is okay. You just need to be yourself and be happy. There's absolutely no need to always go out and party and prove who has the most friends or is the most 'known'. As long as in the end of the day you have that close group to always be there for you. Noel will always be a close friend of mine no matter what. Even if sometimes I know I may piss him off, I know I know...he still is awesome in his own crazy way.

And last but not least...

*SohWynn: At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one. Now imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. For me that’s him. He helped me love myself when I felt like nobody else did. He helped me become a better person and ignore the rest of the world and how they thought of me. Their opinions don’t matter to me, only his does. Because the only person I’d want to please and see happy most of all is him. The one gave up so much to change for me and loves me each day knowing how hard it may be because like many others is afraid of the future or me letting him go. But I know life gets better, it always does. And each day having him with me is a blessing and I can never say how thankful I am to have him in my life. 

       Amazing how I cannot write down anymore names from my past. People really do come and go. People really do leave impacts on your life. And in my case there are not good ones. Moving is the worst thing for anyone. And for me it is hell. I thought the years here would be hell. My life would be hell. 

Find that group of best friends, otherwise you are truly alone.

Hit the Lights

       


       Most people prefer lighted areas, places that are bright. Somewhere that you can see your surroundings, and the people around you. It is how you know you are safe. It’s when the lights are off when you show who you really are.

       In the light, during the day, people see what you show them. You can be the perkiest person with the biggest smile, or the clown of the group, the arrogant buddy, or the helpful friend always giving advice. Nobody knows your secrets or pains or frustrations unless you show them. It is in the dark where you can you be yourself because nobody can see you or judge you. You can cry and nobody will see the tears streaming down your face and they won’t know that each tear that falls stands for something in your life that is making you feel the way you do.



       In my life I've had pain and happiness. More pain to be exact than most people I know have experienced. The pain of leaving home at a young age; having to grow up too fast and learning how to be mature; giving up my hopes and dreams and my own choices because they were never good enough for anyone; having everyone’s expectations laid onto me and feeling like I had to please everyone because their opinions are what mattered most; learning to be something I’m not because who I truly am and how I act is not the way people want me to be and I need to be like them to be accepted.

       Everyone has a tough life yes, but we make it that way. I prefer to live that way because honestly it’s all I can do. If I don’t I’m afraid of what will happen to me. What will others do to me the moment I chose to break free from their expectations and choices? I prefer to hit the lights. To live in the dark and be myself, and cry and laugh and smile when I want. That way only I see it and that way whoever is with me can see the real me and not a person hiding behind a simple smile.

       I know that God has a plan for everyone. Everyone has to overcome their own obstacles within their own time. It’s the fear of what happens once we overcome these obstacles that stops us from doing so. I live with that fear every day and with that I will never jump over that hurdle that lies in my way. My life is set in stone and I know that stone can only be eroded. To live with that pain in my life is to live with darkness. So I hit the lights every night and be my true self till the day that I chose to live in the light when I have moved on from my last breathe. 

How I Feel Right Now

       Usually I do a post every day but to be honest i'm damn moody right now and feeling so bad about myself that I had to just write this today....So right now I'm technically not doing anything. I recently left school for personal reasons and right now I'm looking for a new one. I have some choices but I've narrowed it down to mainly 2 but honestly, it's really hard. I have so much pressure on my shoulders like I've always had and I thought by now it would go away but it hasn't. For me, I feel like i'm the failure in life. I've failed my family, my friends, everyone. I've always felt it but now I do every second of the day and makes me feel like hell. I apparently can't do anything right and yet I have to be reminded that by everyone around me.
      
       Why am I treated different? Why am I treated different than my family members, than my friends, than others? Amazing how when one person does something wrong, nobody says anything. They just say: “Oh it’s no problem, you did your best. Maybe next time.” And when I do the same thing, it’s my fault. It’s because I didn't try my best. I had ‘better things to do’.

       This is the one thing that has always pissed me off. The one thing that really makes me feel unloved. My parents look at my friends or sister or whoever, and when something bad happens to them, or a friend treats them bad, or they fail an exam, they always say “It’s ok, don’t worry.” “Be nice to them, this just happened and they are upset.” And then when it happens to me, it’s my entire fault. I’m the only one to blame for my misfortune.

       People can be such hypocrites also. They do something and when we do it they yell at us. People who have never been to university or college or even finished high school, will yell at me for not studying enough or passing an exam or class when they themselves didn't even finish school! Are they crazy or something? Or must they always try to prove themselves right and act like they are the only mature people around.  One thing is for sure. It’s my life. I will do my best in everything I do. I will work to my fullest and try when it seems like I have no chance. If I fail then I fail. But it’s because I wasn't able to pass for some reason, not because I didn't try. And nobody can try to tell me otherwise, or else they are failing as parents, friends, teachers, mentors…etc. I will do my best.

       Have you ever made a mistake that you can’t undo? Or maybe you didn't do well in something and felt like you weren't worth it. Maybe you feel abandoned or left out, unloved, perhaps unwanted. I have and I still do as mentioned before. And sitting down all alone, well, that just won’t make anything better.

       When you’re little, you have everything in life. You have friends, family, fun. You enjoy being yourself and living. When you become a teenager, you have to start thinking for yourself. You learn what is important in life and who you want to become as a person. It’s the most difficult time of your life to be honest. You will go through obstacles and pain, but you will overcome it in time. I've tried as a person to become who I want in life. Lead my own life, and learn the things I love. Meet people who care for me as person. Stop letting people who do so little for you, control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions. People like that will only make you feel less than who you really are. That is when your walls come crashing down.

       Your walls come down the moment you feel like nothing. When all that you have worked for is thrown away and considered mediocre. You must realize that nothing you do is in vain. We all will make mistakes because we are human. With our mistakes we realize the difference between right and wrong. We realize that we are young, we haven’t grown old yet. Our life has just begun and we have years to grow and mature and learn to do well with our lives and grow to be who we are meant to be in life. 

       With all the mistakes I have made, yea I can say I regret some, but then others just helped me grow. It’s the people in my life who make my walls crash down, not my mistakes. I try my best in everything I do and I try to do by myself as a way to prove I can do anything I set my mind to. Sometimes I fail, but if I fail at something it’s not because I didn't try, it’s because I’m not good at everything. I’m good at certain things and others no just like anybody else. If people are going to criticize me for everything I do then why do I keep them in my life? Maybe it’s because I care too much, or by listening to the way they talk to me or about me is what helps me think and grow.

       I know who I am, we all know. Maybe not exactly at this very moment in my life or your life, but sooner or later we all figure out what’s our purpose. Don’t let anyone make you crumble or tell you that you are a failure. Nobody is a failure. Things happen that we cannot change or stop from happening. Everything happens for a reason, we just need to figure out what that reason is. To keep holding on is our greatest accomplishment in life. To forget the world and its insecurities and look forward to our future lives. Lives that are completely ours for the taking, and to control, and love. 

  Life is yours…take it.

Driving on an Open Highway

“…Just like driving on an open highway,
never knowing what we’re gonna find…”

       Lady Antebellum in their song “Our Kind Of Love” say: “…Just like driving on an open highway, never knowing what we’re gonna find…” It makes you wonder doesn't it? I love going on road trips with friends, who doesn't! You pick a place, pack your bags, grab your camera, put on your favorite CD and hit the road. It can be anywhere. The great thing is that you know the destination right. But what is cool as that you don’t know what will happen during the journey.

       Coming to Singapore 3 years ago, I knew where I was going, what was there, who was there and why I was going. It was like an overseas road trip for me let’s say. What I didn't know was what would happen during the time there. I found out I loved the city, I loved the people…well most of them ;)…I grew up, I made mistakes, and I found love, and the adventure had just begun.

       We go about our lives knowing what we want and where we want to be in the near future, but we never think about what could happen. That is the best yet also scariest part of the journey. You discover new things about different people you encounter in your life, yet the best part is that you discover new things about yourself. If it’s good, than you are moving on in life and you are learning to accept change and grow as a person. If it’s bad, than it’s a new challenge in your life, and you now have the chance to make things right.



       Think about the destination but don't think too much about it. By doing that, you will only concentrate on that and you forget about everything else. Let it happen, let your life take place and let the journey take you where you are supposed to be. The most important thing is what life puts in your way so you can take control of your life’s steering wheel and make all the stops you can. You never know what you will find. Make stops, explore, take risks, and make memories. You never know when life will end. Enjoy it now and have fun. Life is a true road trip…it truly is like driving on an open highway.

Nothing is as Rich as Honesty...

       


       Benjamin Disraeli, former Prime Minister of Great Britain in the 18 hundreds, once said “Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the Truth.” I really like this quote because to me the truth is your feelings. People lie and do such things related to that because we are human. It is in our nature to be that way and we are corrupted. We are both good and bad, we are easily influenced. But we can be taught and brought up with good values. We need to put them to practice which is the more difficult part in life.

       Our feelings are our one true pure thing on Earth. We feel love, hate, anger, sadness, joy, betrayal, agony and other feelings. What happens to us in our everyday only we know. What we feel is our own sentiment and nobody else’s and nobody has the right to tell another person what they should feel or think or say or do. People tend to do things in life because they want to prove something either to themselves or another person be it a relative or friend. We tend to want to prove to ourselves that we are not failures and we can do well and sometimes we make mistakes like previously mentioned many times.
 
       Sometimes when mistakes are made people try to fix them and this is how they try to prove themselves. They think: “Okay, if I can fix this problem I can fix anything and do anything on my own and all will be fine.” We can do things on our own don’t get me wrong, but we also can’t do everything and we need people in our lives who are supportive and will no judge when we do wrong. The good thing about being honest is you can tell people what you truly feel inside. You don’t have to be scared or bottle your feelings in anymore. You make a mistake okay, fix it, but get help and tell others how you feel because nobody can guess your thoughts and feelings for you.

       When your little you learn that honesty is always the best policy. Telling the truth is hard because for some of us it’s a way for us to feel weak when in fact it’s a way to be strong and healthy. When my close friends are feeling down I know when they are because it’s easy for me to tell due to maybe a word they say and how they reply me, or by an action they do or facial expression. I know when people are upset because I used to and still feel many things that my friends feel and we go through the same difficulties. So when my friends or someone I love is upset or feeling down I ask them to be honest to me. Communication is a two way thing. I can’t guess what they feel. Again, being honest doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. 

       “If you help me I can help you. You help me by telling the problem, and I’ll help you by fixing it with your help and not leaving you alone to do it.” 

       Tell that to someone you know who is having a problem in life. You need to be able to help yourself and help others around you. Being independent is not wrong but you can’t do everything alone. Lying and cheating is going to get you nowhere. Sometimes lying is a way to protect ourselves but unknowingly it damages us slowly. So be honest in everything you do whether it’s in your family, or friends, or with your girlfriend or boyfriend because by communicating and saying how you feel is how you will gain respect and grow stronger as a person with each day that comes.