Are You Really on the Inside? Or Just Playing it From the Outside?

     

       Welcome to the New Year everyone, where Singaporeans who flew north for the cold and south for the sun now return to the famous city of the good and high life. Many returning to school; and many enjoying the sun a little longer than they should. Parties have started and may I say so has the drama which isn't such a secret as most think since it’s made public every single weekend and day. The year's scarcely turned and already the secrets have begun. Where will it end this time? The new year isn't about what happened, it's about what's to come. But less on that… Movies always portray the glamorous life and goods we can only dream of. For some people it is reality to be born with a silver spoon while for others it is simply just a fairy tale. But spoiled brats don’t just happen, sometimes there made.

       Everyone dreams of being successful or well known in life, but most of all above everything else happy. Well you would think they would want to be happy. Nowadays it puzzles me. Nobody is happy; they just want that amazing life where they get what they want; where just a flash of their credit card or saying someone’s name will open any door in your life. Admit it. All people want now is to be on the inside. I used to want that yeah, who doesn't  I enjoyed the good life for as long as I could but realized I could find my own happiness without having to force it to happen in my life.

       Having people know my name and get things for free felt like everything, but it only made me realize that I was some narcissistic materialistic and shallow person. I’m me. I’m not changing who I am for anything. And if I do it’s for the best not the fake and the worst. I left that lifestyle and found my happiness and I couldn't be happier. Social media seems to be everything now and people use it to confess to their loves or crushes, or spill their ‘friends’ secrets, or get revenge.  And these days there is a lot of this revenge and drama stirring around. 

       Seriously? This is the 21st century people, it’s 2013. You are no longer little kids who are going around trying to get back at crushes who forget you or friends who leave you or trick you. Act like an adult because when you grow up and are working and trying to support yourself in life all these games and drama will not get you anywhere. Only bring you down and leave you in an alley all alone with no friends.  Clubbing is fun yes I can totally admit to that but if you say to everyone that it’s something you don’t want to do anymore and you want to focus on your studies then do it! Live your life to the fullest; go out with friends; be honest. Don’t just be all talk and no action and say you want to change when actually you are just going to run back to your old life of play pretend. Everyone talks about changing their lives for the best but it didn't take much time for some to dirty up their clean slates.

       When you are on the inside nobody cares about you. They care about your social status and your money and your connections. When you are on the outside you have a chance to make genuine friends and live a drama free live and just learn to appreciate the little things and moments that appear. And you have a chance to let love appear in your life. You can’t force love to happen. And dating someone for a couple of hours or days doesn't mean you were in a relationship nor had love. You had a fling that’s all. It cannot be something you plan. It comes to you like an answered prayer. I wasn't looking for it and it just found me. I’m happy with my life now. Drama free, I have my very small group of friends but at least they are real with no masks on. And I have the love of my life to guide me and support me and love me each day.  

       Just be careful walking down the primrose path. You may find hell instead of happily ever after. One thing about being on the top of the world, it gives you a long, long way to fall. 

                 So be happy with your life and do what is right.
                                 Find yourself a great place…

                                          On the outside ;)

Nineteen Minutes

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness,
and the feeling of being unloved.”

       When you don’t fit in, you become super human. You can hear a whisper about you from a mile away. You can disappear, even when it looks like you’re still standing right there. You can scream and nobody hears a sound. You are the thing that used to be normal, but that was so long ago, you can’t even remember what it was like. You can feel people staring; it’s like heat that rises from the pavement during summer, like a poker in the small of your back. You don’t have to hear a whisper, either, to know that it’s all about you.

       I used to stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom to see what they were staring at. I wanted to know what made their heads turn, what it was about me that was so incredibly different. At first I couldn't tell. I mean, I was just me. Then one day, when I looked in the mirror, I understood. I looked into my own eyes and I hated myself maybe as much as all of them did. That was the day I started to believe they might be right. 

       Ask a random kid today if he or she wants to be popular and they’ll tell you no, even if the truth is they do. See, you can’t admit to wanting it because the truth makes you less cool. To be truly popular, it has to look like it’s something you are, when in reality, it’s what you make yourself. I wonder if anyone works any harder at anything than kids do at being popular. So how do you crack that inner sanctum? Well, here’s a catch: it’s not up to you. What’s important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat, what music you listen to.

       I've always sort of wondered, though. If everyone else’s opinion is what matters, than do you really have one of your own? It would be one thing to be a loser if it meant no one paid attention to you, but in school, it means you’re actively sought out. There’s a word you lean in Social Studies: schadenfreude  It’s when you enjoy watching someone else suffer. The real question though, is why? I think part of it is just self-preservation. And part of it is because a group always feels more like a group when it’s banded together against an enemy. It doesn't matter if that enemy has never done anything to hurt you-you just have to pretend you hate someone even more than you hate yourself. You become lonely.

       Being alone is the worst place to be. Loneliness can overcome you at any time. One day your positive and everything in life seems to be perfectly fine. Then all of a sudden, that wave crashes over you and you are lost.



       Everyone enters this state of depression at least once in your life. I mean, you can’t be happy 24/7. Can you? For me it was for about 4 years. Depression is the worst thing ever. You don’t do anything. You become lifeless, but it's true loneliness that makes you feel sad. You feel like nobody likes you, like nobody loves you anymore. And all you want to do is cry.


       Well it’s not true. People love you out there. People truly care about you, but they just haven’t shown it yet. That is their biggest mistake in life. We are afraid to tell people how we really feel. We are afraid to care for others because we think that we will let them down. That whatever we say to them will be spread out to everyone like a virus and they will judge us for our secrets. What’s the problem with telling a friend that you are here for them? That if they have a problem or just need to talk that you are here to talk, to be supportive? Why is that so hard? All we need is one friend. That’s it. All we need to do is be there and not distant from them. 

       Don’t judge yourself or anyone else. Nobody knows what you are going through except you. All we can hope for is that someone can at least relate to the problem you are going through and give you advice. To hug you and tell you everything will be all right; to grab a coffee with you and just hang out; to talk to you when you don’t feel like talking.

       All you need is that one person to be able to talk to. The person that would always ask you how you are feeling, how was your day or week. The person that you know you can call at any time of the day or the night and say what you need to say without them judging you. I used to have that friend. She’s gone now. But even with her gone I still can talk to her just because we live far away from each other. And I know I have people around me that care and love me. I know I can call them whenever and they will be by my side at any second.

       If you are going through a hard time in life, pick up the phone right now and call your friend. Call that person who you know you can say anything to and who won’t judge you or talk bad about you and tell them what’s happening to you. Don’t waste this opportunity to build a closer relationship with your friend. Let them help you. Don’t waste it, embrace it.

      Just breathe, be brave, and call…what is the worst that can happen? Remember, a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out on you. Who will be there for you when he’d rather be somewhere else.

My question is: Do we ever really know someone?

 And who, if anyone, has the right to judge someone else?

Love & Photos

 Hey Hey Hey!
       So wanted to share a bit about how my Monday turned out...usually people always complain about Monday. I don't really cause my PMS (Prepare to meet Satan) day is always on a Sunday. Anywhoooo I already woke up super happy and excited. 2 things happened.

       First of all it was the 21st, that means 8 months with my baby already. And i'm so happy we made it this far. It has been a rocky journey with many ups and downs, but in the end it is just us and nobody else. It's our relationship and no matter what others say about either one of us we know we can talk it out and find our way back to each other. The only thing we have is love and eternal love. It's hard being apart during the week but we never fail to find time in our day to text each other or call once or twice. Cause if you really love someone you will put in the effort to make your relationship work out. 

       These past 8 months have taught me so much and i'm so grateful each day to have someone in my life who loves me more than anyone can ever love another person. And I can never find the right words to say thank you, all I can say is that I Love You.
          
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       The second thing that happened was Sunday night I got a text and found out it was from Hagen Troy who many know is a Singaporean singer raised in the UK. He also works with Franz De Paris located at Kembangan Plaza; which is a company/group that works with hair styling, make up, fashion, photography. Hagen had also told me that they also do coaching and go to different schools to give advice to students about life which is pretty cool. Anyway he was doing an article for a men's lifestyle fitness magazine that I think belongs to Toni&Guy and FDP also. Wasn't so sure which magazine it was.
       
       So my part technically was to shoot for a section on hair care and how to style your hair with their products in about 5 minutes. Literally had to just show the process you know and show the different angles and how to style from the front, side, and back of the head. When I got there to FDP I was of course greeted by Hagen so I was already nervous cause well, hes a celebrity. And I enjoy his music a lot. 

       After I took a seat inside I was greeted also by the creative stylist Angeline Tan. It was really great getting to talk to them and all and they really made me feel welcome and we had tons of fun in the styling room and also during the shoot with the photographers and we laughed a lot. Of course there were two other models doing shoot for the same reason but different topics such as skin care and also hair care, but they never really talked much...oh well.

       This was by far the biggest 'shoot' I can say I have done. Other times it was just for friends portfolios or for fun but this is going to be in a magazine and get to see it when it comes out end of February beginning of March. So i'm really excited. Was by far the best opportunity ever to work with such an amazing company and amazing people. Thank you again FDP, Hagen Troy, and Angeline!

Here are some pics from yesterday:

(Me waiting in the styling room)

(The photographers that day, tons of fun to work with.)

(Creative manager Angeline Tan)

Its Always A Good Time

       This week was pretty harsh...in many ways actually but not gonna bring it up. Today gonna write about Wynn's 21st birthday that was last night...I literally just got home after a major long night.

       So I was home rushing already to get dressed and go meet my bff Kelvin cause we were gonna go together. I took a cab and reached Costa Sands Chalet but we ended up at the wrong one since apparently there are 2 with the same name...nice job...We ended up going around twice to the same chalet and only then realized it was the wrong one. After a very long time we finally made it.

       Overall it was a pretty wild night. I met so many family members who in my opinion are the funniest people ever and so nice its amazing! People were laughing, and drinking, and just having such a fun night. 

       And of course came the cake, which was when I had to take pics of literally everyone, and I mean, EVERYONE. I swear there was so many people I stood for God knows how long, but was so fun. And the cake was so good! At the end I ended up in the bedroom resting cause I was tired and only some people were left. Then I remember like 6 people were in bed later on sleeping with me so I think ended up sleeping only 4 hours? Oh well, wide awake now.

       After getting everything ready we went over to EHub for lunch at McDonalds and it was me, Wynn, his friend Nelson, his mom and his brother Vynn. Then I went to see the slot machines and play a bit with his mom and brother which was pretty fun, everyone lost but was a good time. And now I am finally home and gonna rest for the day. But before that...enjoy the pics ;)

Some of the first people to arrive :)
(Varian, John, David, Me, Kelvin, Cedric and SohWynn)

Us...we know who we are ;)

Me and Wynns mom ^^

Wynn, Kelvin and I

Cake Cake Cake!!

Happy Birthday!

Make a wish

Happy 21st Birthday SohWynn!!

Who’s Next To You?

“Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?”

       We all have dreams. When we are little we dream of becoming a fire-fighter, a police man, a doctor, dentist, singer, prince or princess, baker, someone famous. We all have dreams. And it’s all about us. But when those dreams come true, who is the person standing next to you?

       I have so many friends some good some amazing. Each day that list gets shorter though. And whenever that list gets shorter, there are a couple names that stay there. They are glued on that list forever. 

*Mariana Guedes. She was and remains to this day, as my best friend in the entire world. So many times she has been there for me. I could call her up at any time of the day to talk literally for hours. We laugh together, smile together, and cry together. We are meant for each other. Even now from far away I can still talk to her about anything no matter what time it is there or here. She is one of the most important people in my life. I will never ever forget her. 

*Kelvin Pooh: Kelvin is by far one of my closest friends ever. Met him at Holland Village for dinner with a whole group of friends. Of course I thought he was from SG but apparently he's Indonesian; I only realized that about a month later...Anyway, he has always been there for me throughout everything. We worked together for couple months which was totally awesome having him there; we go out all the time; we take thousands of pics together. Being around him is just the best time. You forget about all you problems and just start to smile and laugh and enjoy your day. Always gonna be my bff ;)

*Noel: Noel and I met quite randomly...we had only talked on twitter back and forth a couple times cause we had mutual friends and we had said hi to each other couple times at meet ups and birthdays. So I jokingly once said I'd bring him cupcakes from 12Cupcakes (amazing btw) to cheer him up at work since he was stressed. So of course I did. First thing that comes out of his mouth when he sees me honest to God was: "Hey Bitch!!" right in front of H&M so all could hear. But the past couple of months having him as a good friend has been great. He's really opened my eyes to realize you don't need to have a large group of friends to be happy. Even having one or two is okay. You just need to be yourself and be happy. There's absolutely no need to always go out and party and prove who has the most friends or is the most 'known'. As long as in the end of the day you have that close group to always be there for you. Noel will always be a close friend of mine no matter what. Even if sometimes I know I may piss him off, I know I know...he still is awesome in his own crazy way.

And last but not least...

*SohWynn: At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one. Now imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. For me that’s him. He helped me love myself when I felt like nobody else did. He helped me become a better person and ignore the rest of the world and how they thought of me. Their opinions don’t matter to me, only his does. Because the only person I’d want to please and see happy most of all is him. The one gave up so much to change for me and loves me each day knowing how hard it may be because like many others is afraid of the future or me letting him go. But I know life gets better, it always does. And each day having him with me is a blessing and I can never say how thankful I am to have him in my life. 

       Amazing how I cannot write down anymore names from my past. People really do come and go. People really do leave impacts on your life. And in my case there are not good ones. Moving is the worst thing for anyone. And for me it is hell. I thought the years here would be hell. My life would be hell. 

Find that group of best friends, otherwise you are truly alone.

Hit the Lights

       


       Most people prefer lighted areas, places that are bright. Somewhere that you can see your surroundings, and the people around you. It is how you know you are safe. It’s when the lights are off when you show who you really are.

       In the light, during the day, people see what you show them. You can be the perkiest person with the biggest smile, or the clown of the group, the arrogant buddy, or the helpful friend always giving advice. Nobody knows your secrets or pains or frustrations unless you show them. It is in the dark where you can you be yourself because nobody can see you or judge you. You can cry and nobody will see the tears streaming down your face and they won’t know that each tear that falls stands for something in your life that is making you feel the way you do.



       In my life I've had pain and happiness. More pain to be exact than most people I know have experienced. The pain of leaving home at a young age; having to grow up too fast and learning how to be mature; giving up my hopes and dreams and my own choices because they were never good enough for anyone; having everyone’s expectations laid onto me and feeling like I had to please everyone because their opinions are what mattered most; learning to be something I’m not because who I truly am and how I act is not the way people want me to be and I need to be like them to be accepted.

       Everyone has a tough life yes, but we make it that way. I prefer to live that way because honestly it’s all I can do. If I don’t I’m afraid of what will happen to me. What will others do to me the moment I chose to break free from their expectations and choices? I prefer to hit the lights. To live in the dark and be myself, and cry and laugh and smile when I want. That way only I see it and that way whoever is with me can see the real me and not a person hiding behind a simple smile.

       I know that God has a plan for everyone. Everyone has to overcome their own obstacles within their own time. It’s the fear of what happens once we overcome these obstacles that stops us from doing so. I live with that fear every day and with that I will never jump over that hurdle that lies in my way. My life is set in stone and I know that stone can only be eroded. To live with that pain in my life is to live with darkness. So I hit the lights every night and be my true self till the day that I chose to live in the light when I have moved on from my last breathe. 

How I Feel Right Now

       Usually I do a post every day but to be honest i'm damn moody right now and feeling so bad about myself that I had to just write this today....So right now I'm technically not doing anything. I recently left school for personal reasons and right now I'm looking for a new one. I have some choices but I've narrowed it down to mainly 2 but honestly, it's really hard. I have so much pressure on my shoulders like I've always had and I thought by now it would go away but it hasn't. For me, I feel like i'm the failure in life. I've failed my family, my friends, everyone. I've always felt it but now I do every second of the day and makes me feel like hell. I apparently can't do anything right and yet I have to be reminded that by everyone around me.
      
       Why am I treated different? Why am I treated different than my family members, than my friends, than others? Amazing how when one person does something wrong, nobody says anything. They just say: “Oh it’s no problem, you did your best. Maybe next time.” And when I do the same thing, it’s my fault. It’s because I didn't try my best. I had ‘better things to do’.

       This is the one thing that has always pissed me off. The one thing that really makes me feel unloved. My parents look at my friends or sister or whoever, and when something bad happens to them, or a friend treats them bad, or they fail an exam, they always say “It’s ok, don’t worry.” “Be nice to them, this just happened and they are upset.” And then when it happens to me, it’s my entire fault. I’m the only one to blame for my misfortune.

       People can be such hypocrites also. They do something and when we do it they yell at us. People who have never been to university or college or even finished high school, will yell at me for not studying enough or passing an exam or class when they themselves didn't even finish school! Are they crazy or something? Or must they always try to prove themselves right and act like they are the only mature people around.  One thing is for sure. It’s my life. I will do my best in everything I do. I will work to my fullest and try when it seems like I have no chance. If I fail then I fail. But it’s because I wasn't able to pass for some reason, not because I didn't try. And nobody can try to tell me otherwise, or else they are failing as parents, friends, teachers, mentors…etc. I will do my best.

       Have you ever made a mistake that you can’t undo? Or maybe you didn't do well in something and felt like you weren't worth it. Maybe you feel abandoned or left out, unloved, perhaps unwanted. I have and I still do as mentioned before. And sitting down all alone, well, that just won’t make anything better.

       When you’re little, you have everything in life. You have friends, family, fun. You enjoy being yourself and living. When you become a teenager, you have to start thinking for yourself. You learn what is important in life and who you want to become as a person. It’s the most difficult time of your life to be honest. You will go through obstacles and pain, but you will overcome it in time. I've tried as a person to become who I want in life. Lead my own life, and learn the things I love. Meet people who care for me as person. Stop letting people who do so little for you, control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions. People like that will only make you feel less than who you really are. That is when your walls come crashing down.

       Your walls come down the moment you feel like nothing. When all that you have worked for is thrown away and considered mediocre. You must realize that nothing you do is in vain. We all will make mistakes because we are human. With our mistakes we realize the difference between right and wrong. We realize that we are young, we haven’t grown old yet. Our life has just begun and we have years to grow and mature and learn to do well with our lives and grow to be who we are meant to be in life. 

       With all the mistakes I have made, yea I can say I regret some, but then others just helped me grow. It’s the people in my life who make my walls crash down, not my mistakes. I try my best in everything I do and I try to do by myself as a way to prove I can do anything I set my mind to. Sometimes I fail, but if I fail at something it’s not because I didn't try, it’s because I’m not good at everything. I’m good at certain things and others no just like anybody else. If people are going to criticize me for everything I do then why do I keep them in my life? Maybe it’s because I care too much, or by listening to the way they talk to me or about me is what helps me think and grow.

       I know who I am, we all know. Maybe not exactly at this very moment in my life or your life, but sooner or later we all figure out what’s our purpose. Don’t let anyone make you crumble or tell you that you are a failure. Nobody is a failure. Things happen that we cannot change or stop from happening. Everything happens for a reason, we just need to figure out what that reason is. To keep holding on is our greatest accomplishment in life. To forget the world and its insecurities and look forward to our future lives. Lives that are completely ours for the taking, and to control, and love. 

  Life is yours…take it.

Driving on an Open Highway

“…Just like driving on an open highway,
never knowing what we’re gonna find…”

       Lady Antebellum in their song “Our Kind Of Love” say: “…Just like driving on an open highway, never knowing what we’re gonna find…” It makes you wonder doesn't it? I love going on road trips with friends, who doesn't! You pick a place, pack your bags, grab your camera, put on your favorite CD and hit the road. It can be anywhere. The great thing is that you know the destination right. But what is cool as that you don’t know what will happen during the journey.

       Coming to Singapore 3 years ago, I knew where I was going, what was there, who was there and why I was going. It was like an overseas road trip for me let’s say. What I didn't know was what would happen during the time there. I found out I loved the city, I loved the people…well most of them ;)…I grew up, I made mistakes, and I found love, and the adventure had just begun.

       We go about our lives knowing what we want and where we want to be in the near future, but we never think about what could happen. That is the best yet also scariest part of the journey. You discover new things about different people you encounter in your life, yet the best part is that you discover new things about yourself. If it’s good, than you are moving on in life and you are learning to accept change and grow as a person. If it’s bad, than it’s a new challenge in your life, and you now have the chance to make things right.



       Think about the destination but don't think too much about it. By doing that, you will only concentrate on that and you forget about everything else. Let it happen, let your life take place and let the journey take you where you are supposed to be. The most important thing is what life puts in your way so you can take control of your life’s steering wheel and make all the stops you can. You never know what you will find. Make stops, explore, take risks, and make memories. You never know when life will end. Enjoy it now and have fun. Life is a true road trip…it truly is like driving on an open highway.

Nothing is as Rich as Honesty...

       


       Benjamin Disraeli, former Prime Minister of Great Britain in the 18 hundreds, once said “Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the Truth.” I really like this quote because to me the truth is your feelings. People lie and do such things related to that because we are human. It is in our nature to be that way and we are corrupted. We are both good and bad, we are easily influenced. But we can be taught and brought up with good values. We need to put them to practice which is the more difficult part in life.

       Our feelings are our one true pure thing on Earth. We feel love, hate, anger, sadness, joy, betrayal, agony and other feelings. What happens to us in our everyday only we know. What we feel is our own sentiment and nobody else’s and nobody has the right to tell another person what they should feel or think or say or do. People tend to do things in life because they want to prove something either to themselves or another person be it a relative or friend. We tend to want to prove to ourselves that we are not failures and we can do well and sometimes we make mistakes like previously mentioned many times.
 
       Sometimes when mistakes are made people try to fix them and this is how they try to prove themselves. They think: “Okay, if I can fix this problem I can fix anything and do anything on my own and all will be fine.” We can do things on our own don’t get me wrong, but we also can’t do everything and we need people in our lives who are supportive and will no judge when we do wrong. The good thing about being honest is you can tell people what you truly feel inside. You don’t have to be scared or bottle your feelings in anymore. You make a mistake okay, fix it, but get help and tell others how you feel because nobody can guess your thoughts and feelings for you.

       When your little you learn that honesty is always the best policy. Telling the truth is hard because for some of us it’s a way for us to feel weak when in fact it’s a way to be strong and healthy. When my close friends are feeling down I know when they are because it’s easy for me to tell due to maybe a word they say and how they reply me, or by an action they do or facial expression. I know when people are upset because I used to and still feel many things that my friends feel and we go through the same difficulties. So when my friends or someone I love is upset or feeling down I ask them to be honest to me. Communication is a two way thing. I can’t guess what they feel. Again, being honest doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. 

       “If you help me I can help you. You help me by telling the problem, and I’ll help you by fixing it with your help and not leaving you alone to do it.” 

       Tell that to someone you know who is having a problem in life. You need to be able to help yourself and help others around you. Being independent is not wrong but you can’t do everything alone. Lying and cheating is going to get you nowhere. Sometimes lying is a way to protect ourselves but unknowingly it damages us slowly. So be honest in everything you do whether it’s in your family, or friends, or with your girlfriend or boyfriend because by communicating and saying how you feel is how you will gain respect and grow stronger as a person with each day that comes.

A Bad Batch of Brownies

       One of my favorite types of deserts is brownies. I used to make them all the time at home and for my friends. I did regular chocolate ones, cappuccino, and also mint. My friends absolutely loved them and always asked me for them. Even people who weren't really friends just people I knew. For me people are like brownies. Sometimes they are nice and warm, and sometimes bad and hard. They may in this case a good batch, or a bad batch of brownies.

       It’s funny isn't it? How people won’t recognize you or give you the time of day because you are a certain way that they don’t approve or you don’t have newest ‘it’ item like them. And the moment that they see something you have that they like whether it is an object or any characteristic about you, then they come running to you as if you are the closest of friends.

       In my case I attracted people with the desserts I made. Nobody liked me because I was different. I hung out with different people for different reasons. If I didn't feel comfortable with a person it was for a certain reason. You cannot make someone change or act a certain way just because you don’t approve. People never liked me for who I was and didn't care about what I had to offer. And honestly being around people like that hurts. To be rejected again and again over and over. Nobody should have to be rejected for the way they are or the way they act or think or love. 

       People say you have to ''prove'' yourself to earn somebodies trust. You shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone. Just be yourself no matter what about is different. If people can’t accept that then find people who do. Life isn't created for you to please others. I say this yet I do it also. But I’ m learning at last what it means to live life for yourself and not for other people.

          It is scary I admit, because now you are on your own.

Twig Bitches and Barbies

       When kids are little they love to play with dolls such as Barbie or action figures whether you’re a girl or a guy. Everyone knows what a Barbie is I’m pretty sure, so you know ‘she’ is a fake person and plastic. And well, that is what the world today is composed of. Barbies. 

       I know I for one am not the most perfect person in the world. I have my flaws yes and I know what each of them are. You won’t see me telling pathetic lies about others or what other nonsense because the only thing that matters to me is my life and those I care about. I don't need to go talking about others to bring up my self esteem. For me today, I’m surrounded with these so called ‘fake barbies’ because people now say whatever comes to mind. No filter, nothing.

       It’s quite funny actually. If you pay close attention now, people can’t be without talking about someone not even for 10 full minutes. Something is bound to come out. These days I see a lot people just acting so cocky and superficial and materialistic. Talking about how they need to raise their “market value”. Excuse me last I checked you were a human being, not a pair of jeans or clothing or a prostitute for one. 

       There is no need to poke your nose into other people’s business. Person A and person B are one couple; you are C so go find yourself D. A person’s business and what they do in their life is no one else’s concern. If you have an opinion about what another person buys or says or who they date then keep it to yourself unless you know they don’t have a problem hearing what you have to say. But if you simply intrude into someone else’s private subjects because you’re bored or decided that being spiteful about something is so much fun and putting people down and making fun of them raises you above the rest and makes you special then you have another thing coming.

       When you do things just because you are selfish and want to be higher than the rest it only isolates you. Thing is, sooner or later people are going to look past that ‘fake’ and ‘plastic’ exterior and see your true feelings. It’s not going to be fun, and you are going to be alone in the end.
Think about your actions, the way you act and talk about not just others but yourself. You are supposed to be a beautiful person not just outside but inside. Don’t say hurtful things about yourself or degrade your image because unwillingly you will become what you say you are. 

Respect goes a long way.

2013 and Off With a Bang!

       Honest to God this year has started off with a major bang...and not a good one as some may already know. And here I am trying to make a new blog and hopefully this one I'm able to maintain for more than 2 weeks ;)

       So today gonna make it a small and light post I guess and later shall start with the normal posts i'm hoping to put in. Anyway as most friends knows I went to Brazil over Christmas and New Year which was pretty fun since I lived there for 5 years but I had never gone up north to the beaches...and OMG was it hot, nice, but hot! So a couple pics to show the trip!

 Here is the beach with crystal clear water

 Me of course

 Me and my mum at the Blue Lagoon

 Sand buggy rides! Pretty intense btw

 Having a date with my mum :)

 Spent NYE here at the Turkish VIP Lounge (above and below)...nicest lounge ever in my opinion

       So basically that was my Christmas trip, now got all month to try to relax here at home and soon in February im going to Europe to visit the family ^^ Excited but yea its gonna be cold.

       Of course today is a rainy day, and i'm home cause I don't want to get wet. Tons to think about so hope this is a good post to start my new blogging days. I don't expect to be known or whatever, I just want a place where I can write what I feel and hope it helps someone out there. So wish me luck!

See ya soon ;)