Love & Photos

 Hey Hey Hey!
       So wanted to share a bit about how my Monday turned out...usually people always complain about Monday. I don't really cause my PMS (Prepare to meet Satan) day is always on a Sunday. Anywhoooo I already woke up super happy and excited. 2 things happened.

       First of all it was the 21st, that means 8 months with my baby already. And i'm so happy we made it this far. It has been a rocky journey with many ups and downs, but in the end it is just us and nobody else. It's our relationship and no matter what others say about either one of us we know we can talk it out and find our way back to each other. The only thing we have is love and eternal love. It's hard being apart during the week but we never fail to find time in our day to text each other or call once or twice. Cause if you really love someone you will put in the effort to make your relationship work out. 

       These past 8 months have taught me so much and i'm so grateful each day to have someone in my life who loves me more than anyone can ever love another person. And I can never find the right words to say thank you, all I can say is that I Love You.
          
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       The second thing that happened was Sunday night I got a text and found out it was from Hagen Troy who many know is a Singaporean singer raised in the UK. He also works with Franz De Paris located at Kembangan Plaza; which is a company/group that works with hair styling, make up, fashion, photography. Hagen had also told me that they also do coaching and go to different schools to give advice to students about life which is pretty cool. Anyway he was doing an article for a men's lifestyle fitness magazine that I think belongs to Toni&Guy and FDP also. Wasn't so sure which magazine it was.
       
       So my part technically was to shoot for a section on hair care and how to style your hair with their products in about 5 minutes. Literally had to just show the process you know and show the different angles and how to style from the front, side, and back of the head. When I got there to FDP I was of course greeted by Hagen so I was already nervous cause well, hes a celebrity. And I enjoy his music a lot. 

       After I took a seat inside I was greeted also by the creative stylist Angeline Tan. It was really great getting to talk to them and all and they really made me feel welcome and we had tons of fun in the styling room and also during the shoot with the photographers and we laughed a lot. Of course there were two other models doing shoot for the same reason but different topics such as skin care and also hair care, but they never really talked much...oh well.

       This was by far the biggest 'shoot' I can say I have done. Other times it was just for friends portfolios or for fun but this is going to be in a magazine and get to see it when it comes out end of February beginning of March. So i'm really excited. Was by far the best opportunity ever to work with such an amazing company and amazing people. Thank you again FDP, Hagen Troy, and Angeline!

Here are some pics from yesterday:

(Me waiting in the styling room)

(The photographers that day, tons of fun to work with.)

(Creative manager Angeline Tan)

Its Always A Good Time

       This week was pretty harsh...in many ways actually but not gonna bring it up. Today gonna write about Wynn's 21st birthday that was last night...I literally just got home after a major long night.

       So I was home rushing already to get dressed and go meet my bff Kelvin cause we were gonna go together. I took a cab and reached Costa Sands Chalet but we ended up at the wrong one since apparently there are 2 with the same name...nice job...We ended up going around twice to the same chalet and only then realized it was the wrong one. After a very long time we finally made it.

       Overall it was a pretty wild night. I met so many family members who in my opinion are the funniest people ever and so nice its amazing! People were laughing, and drinking, and just having such a fun night. 

       And of course came the cake, which was when I had to take pics of literally everyone, and I mean, EVERYONE. I swear there was so many people I stood for God knows how long, but was so fun. And the cake was so good! At the end I ended up in the bedroom resting cause I was tired and only some people were left. Then I remember like 6 people were in bed later on sleeping with me so I think ended up sleeping only 4 hours? Oh well, wide awake now.

       After getting everything ready we went over to EHub for lunch at McDonalds and it was me, Wynn, his friend Nelson, his mom and his brother Vynn. Then I went to see the slot machines and play a bit with his mom and brother which was pretty fun, everyone lost but was a good time. And now I am finally home and gonna rest for the day. But before that...enjoy the pics ;)

Some of the first people to arrive :)
(Varian, John, David, Me, Kelvin, Cedric and SohWynn)

Us...we know who we are ;)

Me and Wynns mom ^^

Wynn, Kelvin and I

Cake Cake Cake!!

Happy Birthday!

Make a wish

Happy 21st Birthday SohWynn!!

Who’s Next To You?

“Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?”

       We all have dreams. When we are little we dream of becoming a fire-fighter, a police man, a doctor, dentist, singer, prince or princess, baker, someone famous. We all have dreams. And it’s all about us. But when those dreams come true, who is the person standing next to you?

       I have so many friends some good some amazing. Each day that list gets shorter though. And whenever that list gets shorter, there are a couple names that stay there. They are glued on that list forever. 

*Mariana Guedes. She was and remains to this day, as my best friend in the entire world. So many times she has been there for me. I could call her up at any time of the day to talk literally for hours. We laugh together, smile together, and cry together. We are meant for each other. Even now from far away I can still talk to her about anything no matter what time it is there or here. She is one of the most important people in my life. I will never ever forget her. 

*Kelvin Pooh: Kelvin is by far one of my closest friends ever. Met him at Holland Village for dinner with a whole group of friends. Of course I thought he was from SG but apparently he's Indonesian; I only realized that about a month later...Anyway, he has always been there for me throughout everything. We worked together for couple months which was totally awesome having him there; we go out all the time; we take thousands of pics together. Being around him is just the best time. You forget about all you problems and just start to smile and laugh and enjoy your day. Always gonna be my bff ;)

*Noel: Noel and I met quite randomly...we had only talked on twitter back and forth a couple times cause we had mutual friends and we had said hi to each other couple times at meet ups and birthdays. So I jokingly once said I'd bring him cupcakes from 12Cupcakes (amazing btw) to cheer him up at work since he was stressed. So of course I did. First thing that comes out of his mouth when he sees me honest to God was: "Hey Bitch!!" right in front of H&M so all could hear. But the past couple of months having him as a good friend has been great. He's really opened my eyes to realize you don't need to have a large group of friends to be happy. Even having one or two is okay. You just need to be yourself and be happy. There's absolutely no need to always go out and party and prove who has the most friends or is the most 'known'. As long as in the end of the day you have that close group to always be there for you. Noel will always be a close friend of mine no matter what. Even if sometimes I know I may piss him off, I know I know...he still is awesome in his own crazy way.

And last but not least...

*SohWynn: At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one. Now imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. For me that’s him. He helped me love myself when I felt like nobody else did. He helped me become a better person and ignore the rest of the world and how they thought of me. Their opinions don’t matter to me, only his does. Because the only person I’d want to please and see happy most of all is him. The one gave up so much to change for me and loves me each day knowing how hard it may be because like many others is afraid of the future or me letting him go. But I know life gets better, it always does. And each day having him with me is a blessing and I can never say how thankful I am to have him in my life. 

       Amazing how I cannot write down anymore names from my past. People really do come and go. People really do leave impacts on your life. And in my case there are not good ones. Moving is the worst thing for anyone. And for me it is hell. I thought the years here would be hell. My life would be hell. 

Find that group of best friends, otherwise you are truly alone.

Hit the Lights

       


       Most people prefer lighted areas, places that are bright. Somewhere that you can see your surroundings, and the people around you. It is how you know you are safe. It’s when the lights are off when you show who you really are.

       In the light, during the day, people see what you show them. You can be the perkiest person with the biggest smile, or the clown of the group, the arrogant buddy, or the helpful friend always giving advice. Nobody knows your secrets or pains or frustrations unless you show them. It is in the dark where you can you be yourself because nobody can see you or judge you. You can cry and nobody will see the tears streaming down your face and they won’t know that each tear that falls stands for something in your life that is making you feel the way you do.



       In my life I've had pain and happiness. More pain to be exact than most people I know have experienced. The pain of leaving home at a young age; having to grow up too fast and learning how to be mature; giving up my hopes and dreams and my own choices because they were never good enough for anyone; having everyone’s expectations laid onto me and feeling like I had to please everyone because their opinions are what mattered most; learning to be something I’m not because who I truly am and how I act is not the way people want me to be and I need to be like them to be accepted.

       Everyone has a tough life yes, but we make it that way. I prefer to live that way because honestly it’s all I can do. If I don’t I’m afraid of what will happen to me. What will others do to me the moment I chose to break free from their expectations and choices? I prefer to hit the lights. To live in the dark and be myself, and cry and laugh and smile when I want. That way only I see it and that way whoever is with me can see the real me and not a person hiding behind a simple smile.

       I know that God has a plan for everyone. Everyone has to overcome their own obstacles within their own time. It’s the fear of what happens once we overcome these obstacles that stops us from doing so. I live with that fear every day and with that I will never jump over that hurdle that lies in my way. My life is set in stone and I know that stone can only be eroded. To live with that pain in my life is to live with darkness. So I hit the lights every night and be my true self till the day that I chose to live in the light when I have moved on from my last breathe. 

How I Feel Right Now

       Usually I do a post every day but to be honest i'm damn moody right now and feeling so bad about myself that I had to just write this today....So right now I'm technically not doing anything. I recently left school for personal reasons and right now I'm looking for a new one. I have some choices but I've narrowed it down to mainly 2 but honestly, it's really hard. I have so much pressure on my shoulders like I've always had and I thought by now it would go away but it hasn't. For me, I feel like i'm the failure in life. I've failed my family, my friends, everyone. I've always felt it but now I do every second of the day and makes me feel like hell. I apparently can't do anything right and yet I have to be reminded that by everyone around me.
      
       Why am I treated different? Why am I treated different than my family members, than my friends, than others? Amazing how when one person does something wrong, nobody says anything. They just say: “Oh it’s no problem, you did your best. Maybe next time.” And when I do the same thing, it’s my fault. It’s because I didn't try my best. I had ‘better things to do’.

       This is the one thing that has always pissed me off. The one thing that really makes me feel unloved. My parents look at my friends or sister or whoever, and when something bad happens to them, or a friend treats them bad, or they fail an exam, they always say “It’s ok, don’t worry.” “Be nice to them, this just happened and they are upset.” And then when it happens to me, it’s my entire fault. I’m the only one to blame for my misfortune.

       People can be such hypocrites also. They do something and when we do it they yell at us. People who have never been to university or college or even finished high school, will yell at me for not studying enough or passing an exam or class when they themselves didn't even finish school! Are they crazy or something? Or must they always try to prove themselves right and act like they are the only mature people around.  One thing is for sure. It’s my life. I will do my best in everything I do. I will work to my fullest and try when it seems like I have no chance. If I fail then I fail. But it’s because I wasn't able to pass for some reason, not because I didn't try. And nobody can try to tell me otherwise, or else they are failing as parents, friends, teachers, mentors…etc. I will do my best.

       Have you ever made a mistake that you can’t undo? Or maybe you didn't do well in something and felt like you weren't worth it. Maybe you feel abandoned or left out, unloved, perhaps unwanted. I have and I still do as mentioned before. And sitting down all alone, well, that just won’t make anything better.

       When you’re little, you have everything in life. You have friends, family, fun. You enjoy being yourself and living. When you become a teenager, you have to start thinking for yourself. You learn what is important in life and who you want to become as a person. It’s the most difficult time of your life to be honest. You will go through obstacles and pain, but you will overcome it in time. I've tried as a person to become who I want in life. Lead my own life, and learn the things I love. Meet people who care for me as person. Stop letting people who do so little for you, control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions. People like that will only make you feel less than who you really are. That is when your walls come crashing down.

       Your walls come down the moment you feel like nothing. When all that you have worked for is thrown away and considered mediocre. You must realize that nothing you do is in vain. We all will make mistakes because we are human. With our mistakes we realize the difference between right and wrong. We realize that we are young, we haven’t grown old yet. Our life has just begun and we have years to grow and mature and learn to do well with our lives and grow to be who we are meant to be in life. 

       With all the mistakes I have made, yea I can say I regret some, but then others just helped me grow. It’s the people in my life who make my walls crash down, not my mistakes. I try my best in everything I do and I try to do by myself as a way to prove I can do anything I set my mind to. Sometimes I fail, but if I fail at something it’s not because I didn't try, it’s because I’m not good at everything. I’m good at certain things and others no just like anybody else. If people are going to criticize me for everything I do then why do I keep them in my life? Maybe it’s because I care too much, or by listening to the way they talk to me or about me is what helps me think and grow.

       I know who I am, we all know. Maybe not exactly at this very moment in my life or your life, but sooner or later we all figure out what’s our purpose. Don’t let anyone make you crumble or tell you that you are a failure. Nobody is a failure. Things happen that we cannot change or stop from happening. Everything happens for a reason, we just need to figure out what that reason is. To keep holding on is our greatest accomplishment in life. To forget the world and its insecurities and look forward to our future lives. Lives that are completely ours for the taking, and to control, and love. 

  Life is yours…take it.

Driving on an Open Highway

“…Just like driving on an open highway,
never knowing what we’re gonna find…”

       Lady Antebellum in their song “Our Kind Of Love” say: “…Just like driving on an open highway, never knowing what we’re gonna find…” It makes you wonder doesn't it? I love going on road trips with friends, who doesn't! You pick a place, pack your bags, grab your camera, put on your favorite CD and hit the road. It can be anywhere. The great thing is that you know the destination right. But what is cool as that you don’t know what will happen during the journey.

       Coming to Singapore 3 years ago, I knew where I was going, what was there, who was there and why I was going. It was like an overseas road trip for me let’s say. What I didn't know was what would happen during the time there. I found out I loved the city, I loved the people…well most of them ;)…I grew up, I made mistakes, and I found love, and the adventure had just begun.

       We go about our lives knowing what we want and where we want to be in the near future, but we never think about what could happen. That is the best yet also scariest part of the journey. You discover new things about different people you encounter in your life, yet the best part is that you discover new things about yourself. If it’s good, than you are moving on in life and you are learning to accept change and grow as a person. If it’s bad, than it’s a new challenge in your life, and you now have the chance to make things right.



       Think about the destination but don't think too much about it. By doing that, you will only concentrate on that and you forget about everything else. Let it happen, let your life take place and let the journey take you where you are supposed to be. The most important thing is what life puts in your way so you can take control of your life’s steering wheel and make all the stops you can. You never know what you will find. Make stops, explore, take risks, and make memories. You never know when life will end. Enjoy it now and have fun. Life is a true road trip…it truly is like driving on an open highway.

Nothing is as Rich as Honesty...

       


       Benjamin Disraeli, former Prime Minister of Great Britain in the 18 hundreds, once said “Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the Truth.” I really like this quote because to me the truth is your feelings. People lie and do such things related to that because we are human. It is in our nature to be that way and we are corrupted. We are both good and bad, we are easily influenced. But we can be taught and brought up with good values. We need to put them to practice which is the more difficult part in life.

       Our feelings are our one true pure thing on Earth. We feel love, hate, anger, sadness, joy, betrayal, agony and other feelings. What happens to us in our everyday only we know. What we feel is our own sentiment and nobody else’s and nobody has the right to tell another person what they should feel or think or say or do. People tend to do things in life because they want to prove something either to themselves or another person be it a relative or friend. We tend to want to prove to ourselves that we are not failures and we can do well and sometimes we make mistakes like previously mentioned many times.
 
       Sometimes when mistakes are made people try to fix them and this is how they try to prove themselves. They think: “Okay, if I can fix this problem I can fix anything and do anything on my own and all will be fine.” We can do things on our own don’t get me wrong, but we also can’t do everything and we need people in our lives who are supportive and will no judge when we do wrong. The good thing about being honest is you can tell people what you truly feel inside. You don’t have to be scared or bottle your feelings in anymore. You make a mistake okay, fix it, but get help and tell others how you feel because nobody can guess your thoughts and feelings for you.

       When your little you learn that honesty is always the best policy. Telling the truth is hard because for some of us it’s a way for us to feel weak when in fact it’s a way to be strong and healthy. When my close friends are feeling down I know when they are because it’s easy for me to tell due to maybe a word they say and how they reply me, or by an action they do or facial expression. I know when people are upset because I used to and still feel many things that my friends feel and we go through the same difficulties. So when my friends or someone I love is upset or feeling down I ask them to be honest to me. Communication is a two way thing. I can’t guess what they feel. Again, being honest doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. 

       “If you help me I can help you. You help me by telling the problem, and I’ll help you by fixing it with your help and not leaving you alone to do it.” 

       Tell that to someone you know who is having a problem in life. You need to be able to help yourself and help others around you. Being independent is not wrong but you can’t do everything alone. Lying and cheating is going to get you nowhere. Sometimes lying is a way to protect ourselves but unknowingly it damages us slowly. So be honest in everything you do whether it’s in your family, or friends, or with your girlfriend or boyfriend because by communicating and saying how you feel is how you will gain respect and grow stronger as a person with each day that comes.